'You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger' Reviewed by Jess Cree

Director: Woody Allen
Duration: 98 mins
Rating: **

I should have loved this film; it has a multi-award winning script writer and director and a great cast. But something just didn’t click. The storyline is predictable, the actors never truly seem at ease with their characters and the whole thing seems like it’s going to go full circle, but then doesn’t, which left me feeling irritated. Let me explain further...
The story is of a mother and daughter duo, both of whom have failing marriages. Helena (Gemma Jones) is Sally’s (Naomi Watts) deranged mother, who is struggling to cope with the fact that her husband (Anthony Hopkins) has left her and traded her in for a younger, newer model. Charmaine (Lucy Foxx) plays the typical gold digging ex-prostitute, who marries Alfie in the hope that he won’t be around for much longer. Perhaps an interesting fact here might stop you from falling asleep at this point in the story. The role of Charmaine was supposed to be played by Nicole Kidman, who had to turn the part down because of other commitments. I think it was a lucky escape to be honest.
Moving over to Sally’s story; she has recently started working at an art gallery and considers having an affair with her boss (Antonio Banderas), who instead falls for her friend (Anna Friel). Her husband Roy (Josh Brolin) is a failed writer and starts meeting up with the Lady in Red (Frieda Pinto) across the way, who he spies on from his window. So everything has fallen apart.
Drawing towards the end of the film, I was expecting some sort of conclusion, but it never really arrived. The mad mother keeps wittering on about her psychic and the ending is pretty abrupt. We find out about the mother’s new love interest, but the other characters seem to just fade away along with their dissatisfaction in their life choices.
I really did have high hopes for the film as it began. The soundtrack was enjoyable and the filming and set were actually rather nice. But it wasn’t just the storyline I had a problem with. The script was forced and repetitive and the narrator seemed to play a pointless part. The jokes were only funny if you were fifty plus and despite the cast being very well-known and successful, the acting was mediocre. I heard one viewer say that this was the best Woody Allen film to be released in years. I sincerely disagree.